Parenting, Achievement and Living in the Now
always have lots of personal goals, career goals, creative goals, parenting goals, goals I want to support in my son or my husband, household goals, financial goals — the list goes on. I tend to think that my achievements will be the key to feeling peaceful and free of stress. I then place the same expectations on my child. He too needs to achieve, whether academically, creatively or in his behavior. In actuality I’m discovering that this isn’t the most effective way to experience peace. Getting stuck in this energy or mindset of seeing fulfillment at the end of some goal is in many ways counter to creating peace and well being.
When we think all the time in goals, we tend to add goals to our children so that we feel confident they will be successful in life. However, these lists of what we want for them can begin to take over just like our own lists. What begins to happen is that our children do not get to feel a sense of timelessness or space in their days, or the feeling of being loved just for being as they are.
Having goals is important, but what about the simple joy of living? How can we invite open timelessness into our lives so we all feel more balanced?
Can life be good enough as it is, right now, in whatever phase we’re in, good or bad, hard or easy, rich or poor? Can we really appreciate what is already occurring? As a yoga teacher reminded me the other day, “appreciate what is already changing.” Our lives, our children are constantly changing. Can we take notice and be with the natural growth happening in ourselves and our children, just as we are and just as they are?
We can put our energy into looking forward toward the day when our child’s behavior is just how we wish it to be, or they are academically successful, or we’ve found the perfect color paint for the walls, or we are making so much money, or our weight is at it’s right place, or our spouse is giving us what we want, or the baby is out of diapers. We can attach our happiness to just about anything out there in the future!
As so many wise ones in history have proclaimed, the here and now is where we find the peace of being. As mothers in a busy and demanding lives, how can we shape our days so that we feel and experience the beauty of what is already in our lives. Even when times are tough and we are striving for change or improvement, we can still bring our attention to where we all are in the moment. Even when our child’s behavior is testing us, we can bring our awareness to what qualities they already have that we are taking for granted.
